Maybe lack of sleep
Maybe my own heart
sometimes I get so tired
just tired of dealing with this life
tired of opening my mouth when I shouldn't
tired of the mean in me
sick of the nasty
though I did ask for a change of heart
I asked for the Lord to show me where my faults are
I said I wanted to be more like Him
I sometimes underestimate the power of my prayers
He is faithful
the Lord never said that following Him would be easy
In fact, he warned it'd be uncomfortable
In some ways I've never been opposed to discomfort
in other ways I can only instinctively run
I can't help but compare myself to the rich young man
who seeks eternal life
his heart seeks something greater than this life
the man somehow thinks that good deeds will save
and so often my heart reacts the same
somehow I find myself disappointed
for my deeds are imperfect, my heart so wrong
the point is crystal, Jesus' words hit the heart
after declaring that he(the man) has followed the law from his youth
Jesus presents a truth that the man is not prepared for
"If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor,
and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me."
Go. Sell. Come. Follow me.
Do you see the heart of this statement? I am to let go of what I hold here.
I must not live my life for this place
The reward of not clinging to my earthly possessions is an unearthly treasure
the reward of following, is more than I know
in essence the rich young man turns and runs toward his earthly treasure
unable to give up the god his heart clings to
(for it is what you live for that is your god)
The comparison following the mans running is stark
"...it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle
than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God."
What!?
So if this man who appeared "good" in the eyes of the world
could not enter God's kingdom, who can!?
And what hope do I have when I know my deeds and heart
have more wrong than right motives?
I have less hope than a camel trying to fit through the eye of a needle!
Ah! But yes, if my hope were in me this would sad.
Yet Jesus has mercy. He had mercy on the rich young man.
He doesn't leave me wandering and without hope
"With man this is impossible,..." there is nothing I can do to be "good" on my own
"...but with God all things are possible." He has not abandoned those without hope!
For He is our hope.
He is my hope.
What I cannot accomplish in my own heart and life on my own
He has promised to complete
"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you
will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."
I am confident that He can take this life of mine
no matter how meaningless in my eyes
no matter how horrible I can be
and complete a good work
complete a life that will bring Him glory
one that will reflect His love and His heart
(Matthew 19:16-30)
(Philippians 1:6)
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