Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Why do I blog when I need to brush my teeth?

I don't know. I really don't. 

For one, the guy put the part in my car with no major issues. And before Monday.
That's good. 
It hasn't died on me since then....but it's only been a few days. My car is so sporadic that I should prolly wait two weeks to decide if the problem is fixed. 
On a similar note, I believe the starter is going too.  
On the same note, I feel my sanity as well is leaving me. One of these days I'll get a new of these days. And I will keep my sanity until then, I will force it to stay. I will. 

For two, we went bowling tonight. Didn't do terrible things but awesome wouldn't describe it either.  
Was never my favorite sport, but it was fun.  

For three, Dad is home for Thanksgiving. Ariel is leaving with her boyfriend.  
The end.

Okay...not really. We'll have food and hopefully a nice afternoon nap or something. I'll be sure to tell you about it. "You" being the few readers I have.  

That's it for now. I'm about to go check my facebook. It's been pretty dull lately. 
I've been pretty tired. I have GOT to get some sleep. ;-) 

Thanks for reading.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

You're probably why I feel fat right now.

Ah ha! 
you will NOT ruin my life. 
oh no. I will cry and then I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow. 
And if I'm not, I'll take a nap. 

pms. you will go away. 

And on a lighter note...
(just kidding) 

car in the shop. I mean...some guy's garage who says he can fix it. 
I warned him. I really did. 
It's his fault if something goes wrong tomorrow and he doesn't have time to fix it before Monday. 
But I'm sure nothing will go wrong. The end. 

I wish that someone would just bring me my toothbrush. Cause I'm sitting here and I don't want to get up but I really need to brush. 

And on a different note, 
nope. I won't. I will not. I can't. You don't understand, cause it's not happening. 
And you're really frustrating me now, so please go away. 

On a truly lighter note, 
tomorrow is Sunday. 


Thursday, November 20, 2008

When the sporadically emotional type starts crying, don't ask why. They may not stop.

No. I'm not going to bed. 
I'm sorry, I lie sometimes. 

You know in those hours 
when your mind struggles to wake 
because with every nerve and muscle and every cell 
your body knows 
just knows that sleep is imperitive

well the mind, confused 
continues to put together assumptions of life 
and being and breathing and what the future will be 
in five minutes and sometimes five years

oh the years are most interesting
awaking with such an odd feeling 
uncertainty, confusion 
wait, was I there? will I be? What? Stop. No. 

Just stop. 
Sweet, so sweet. Is it just me? 
Am I stupid again? Overreacting? 

Ah. How shallow I can be. 
I wonder also if days like this always follow dreams like that. 

I've never been the sporadically emotional type
maybe I was just too young
for now, I'm fine
but if you catch me cryin' 

don't ask why


Oh I'm so tired! 
Thank goodness for a day off. I really think I need it. 
I'm brushing my teeth and GOING TO BED!!!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

La dee da. 
I need to go to bed. It is way too late and I am way too grumpy tonight. 
I really shouldn't even be allowed to speak right now. 
Does typing count? 
Yeah, I could probably do worse damage by typing actually. 

I can't stand servers that don't accept large emails. 
Toodles peeps. 

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I really haven't the heart to write. 
Maybe lack of sleep
Maybe my own heart 

sometimes I get so tired
just tired of dealing with this life 
tired of opening my mouth when I shouldn't
tired of the mean in me 
sick of the nasty 

though I did ask for a change of heart 
I asked for the Lord to show me where my faults are
I said I wanted to be more like Him 

I sometimes underestimate the power of my prayers 
He is faithful
the Lord never said that following Him would be easy 
In fact, he warned it'd be uncomfortable 

In some ways I've never been opposed to discomfort
in other ways I can only instinctively run 

I can't help but compare myself to the rich young man 
who seeks eternal life 
his heart seeks something greater than this life   

the man somehow thinks that good deeds will save 
and so often my heart reacts the same 
somehow I find myself disappointed 
for my deeds are imperfect, my heart so wrong 

the point is crystal, Jesus' words hit the heart 
after declaring that he(the man) has followed the law from his youth
Jesus presents a truth that the man is not prepared for 

"If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, 
and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." 
Go. Sell. Come. Follow me.  

Do you see the heart of this statement? I am to let go of what I hold here. 
I must not live my life for this place
The reward of not clinging to my earthly possessions is an unearthly treasure 
the reward of following, is more than I know 

in essence the rich young man turns and runs toward his earthly treasure
unable to give up the god his heart clings to
(for it is what you live for that is your god) 

The comparison following the mans running is stark 
" is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle 
than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God." 

So if this man who appeared "good" in the eyes of the world 
could not enter God's kingdom, who can!? 

And what hope do I have when I know my deeds and heart 
have more wrong than right motives? 
I have less hope than a camel trying to fit through the eye of a needle! 

Ah! But yes, if my hope were in me this would sad. 
Yet Jesus has mercy. He had mercy on the rich young man.
He doesn't leave me wandering and without hope 
"With man this is impossible,..." there is nothing I can do to be "good" on my own
"...but with God all things are possible."  He has not abandoned those without hope! 

For He is our hope.
He is my hope. 
What I cannot accomplish in my own heart and life on my own 
He has promised to complete 

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you 
will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." 
I am confident that He can take this life of mine
no matter how meaningless in my eyes
no matter how horrible I can be 

and complete a good work 
complete a life that will bring Him glory 
one that will reflect His love and His heart 

(Matthew 19:16-30)
(Philippians 1:6)