Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Whadya' know?

I know! Really! 

I am finally going to address the subject that everyone continues to focus on. least mention it. I don't think I will reach a conclusion tonight. 

They say I'm negative. Constantly. 
I don't think that I'm constantly negative. I refuse to believe everything other people say anymore. I used to become very bothered by other's comments. I will no longer live in that torment. 
However, I will agree that I'm often negative. 
I would like to throw a thought out there though. Or two.

I like to write sometimes. That sometimes is usually when I'm pondering something, bothered by something, or sad. 
If I'm sad my writing will seem negative because I'm expressing something that makes my heart sink. I think it's okay to talk about things that make a heart heavy. You know, after talking I don't feel so weighed down. Life can be sad, how can one ignore that? 

If I'm bothered by something then my writing probably ends up with an annoyed, angry or bitter bite. This, I think can turn into something that is not right for me to express because I most likely have no right to be angry or bitter...annoyed maybe. Sometimes though, and I would say often it is the case that this writing comes from expressing a hurt which then turns into bitterness or harsh feelings towards another. I think that the initial thought of hurt is okay to express but allowing it to go as far as anger and bitterness is when it's gone too far. 

If I'm pondering something then it probably comes out a little confusing to my reader. Sometimes when analyzing and mulling over a subject I hit many random thoughts and just throw them all down without much of an explanation and absolutely no desire to explain. I am sorry for your inconvenience but I must admit that this blog was never started with you in mind. I know that's horrible and I'm sorry, again. I think that I was a little lonely and just wanted a place to put my thoughts. Sometimes blogs are good for that and for a while it was a very good little lonesome blog. I somehow let the word out. 

And on the subject of lonesome, I don't believe it's such a bad thing. Lonesome can be sad, it can make a heart feel constricted but it's not altogether bad. Don't you think there's something special in a lonesome heart? I think it's a terribly sad feeling sometimes but it's beautiful too. I don't think I find much harm in expressing a lonesome thought. 

I think thoughts are rather beautiful. Stunning. Curious.   

So whadya' know. I open my computer in an attempt to bring some closure to the day and I end up writing. I'm sorry, sometimes I can't help but want to toss my thoughts to the wind and wonder who might find them. 
Scatter dear thoughts and let me get some sleep for once. 


Jamie said...

i take it this is directed toward me. i apologize for giving you such a hard time about the negativity thing. that comment was made the exact day we began bugging you about it. youre an awesome girl with a genuine heart for all the right things and this blog proves it

Lael M. said...

Well thank you Jamie...
BUT this is not directed at one person. I would not publicly direct a blog like this towards one person. They might think of it as more serious than I intended.

There are a few people who say such things...which made me wonder and think.
This is a good thing. I enjoyed writing this post. I enjoy pondering a subject.
So no worries worries.